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Friday, 24 February 2012

Why Me?

Growing up gay, I've always felt different from the people around me. It's a feeling I can't explain, it's rather cold, awkwardly alienating and unknown until one reaches adolescent and is inevitably enlightened about their sexual preference. 

Like a malfunctioning key amongst a perfectly fine-tuned piano keyboard, I sometimes consider my sexuality to be a flaw in which what makes me a defect in society. It is estimated that 10% of the world's male population is gay. There are 7 billion people on Earth and what are the chances of me falling into that 10% out of 3.5 billion males in this world.

Throughout my life, I have always felt unlucky when it comes to a lot of things combined. Before my acceptance, I used to question incessantly: 
It's unfair. What are the chances? Out of the millions of people being born everyday, why me? Why am I that 10%? Why am I once again the minority? Why am I so unlucky?

However, I saw two things today that made me realise, despite being how unlucky I perceived myself to be, am actually very lucky. A legless person who courageously limped across the metro platform as everyone stared made me realise I still have all of my body parts. A blind man navigating himself independently on the side walk on a beautiful winter's afternoon made me very thankful for my gift of sight.

After complaining about growing up as a minority, it hit me in those particular moments, that I was actually in fact, on a bigger picture, a majority looking at a minority. Both encounters were so impactful and strong enough for me to immediately acknowledge my sexuality as an "internal or secondary defect", and be thankful for my physical completeness. Being gay is something that came to me in life, it's only a subset of who I am as a person and should not even be considered an issue.

Although society has been very sympathetic with the handicaps, they still have a harsh way of judging and ostracising other types of people who are deemed to be "flaws". The Apartheid and Holocaust are perfect examples in our history that has proven the level of monstrosity the shallow human mind is capable of. Nevertheless, decades down the road, I hope the percentage of gay guys would at least increase a little bit so that we would stand a better chance and homosexuality would no longer be regarded as an issue as societal judgement finds it way around homophobia.

1 comment:

  1. I understand how you feel, but you can't see it as bad luck. Until you fully accept who you are, you'll never be happy and proud of yourself. You'll never understand how amazing a gay life can be. I used to think like you do, but now I'm proud of who I am. My life has changed so much and for better. Do you really believe you could be happy pretending you were straight and living a straight life? I wouldn't, at least. I met amazing people and I had the luck to find a good boyfriend who loves me very much. This would never be possible if I hadn't come to term with who I am. It's not a choice to be gay, but we have the choice to wish a better life for ourselves. I hope you'll see it too, soon, and I wish you a happy life.