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Thursday, 25 September 2014

The Second Harsh Rejection At The Coffee House

Think I might be having a tough two days. So there I was again today at the coffee house, minding my business and trying to get some work done when a really cute guy with skinhead haircut walks in. My inner vampire was awakened and I smell blood. Metaphorically speaking of course.

The guy possesses the looks of a country boy from the South of France, very Mediterranean, complete with a good-looking stubble to match. And even though we didn't play eye-contact, but I could feel that we were both aware of each other's presence in the room via this indescribable energy in the energetically charged air. Gay instincts?

He was seated three steps away at a table directly in front of me, eating his Croissant. I tried to get him to look at me directly in the eye, but I got a sense that he deliberately doesn't want to. I decided to turn on Grindr and spotted his profile next to mine. Yes!! Thank-YOU Jesus! 

His pseudo was an Italian flag so my Mediterranean theory was right. I smiled excitedly at myself, thinking about all the possibilities that can happen when I go talk to him, and also about my sense of achievement in being able to sniff out the gay molecules in the energetically charged atmosphere.

After having learnt my lesson from yesterday's incident, I really wasn't in the mood to put myself through another walk-up again. So I decided to message him on Grindr and observe his reaction. Maybe he'll respond better that way.

He checked his phone the first time, then put it back into his pocket as if nothing happened. Then I sent a second text asking if he was in the same coffee house. I made sure that throughout the entire time, I kept a big warm smile on my face and tried to gauge if he will look my way from opposite the table without being too obvious.

Once again, he checked his phone and put it down on the table. I waited for a minute before firing up Grindr again to see if he responded. And guess what? My chat thread with him was gone and his profile completely disappeared. It was as if he never existed.

He blocked me! Right in front of me nevertheless without even as much as a look! I was in shock. The cute guy has spoken and has chosen to block me. In my naive defense, I really thought that this encounter was going to go well and I was going to end up talking to him. But unfortunately, he chose a very ruthless and down right mean route. 

Initially when I realised what happened, I was fine and didn't feel anything. But gradually over the next few minutes as I analysed more of what just happened, I really didn't know whether to feel angry, hurt or sad. The thing is blocking or being blocked is not a foreign concept in the abrupt gay world, and I've definitely learnt how not to take it personally. But for some reason this time, maybe because it happened right in front of my eyes, I can't help but wonder if it was me who isn't good enough for the guys I'm interested in.

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

When A Cute Guy At Starbucks Denies His Profile On Hornet

So I was at the same Starbucks today where I previously got cruised and noticed this very cute guy in front of me while lining up to buy coffee. He was probably in his early twenties . Very young and if I'm not mistaken, just feels very countryside French in terms of his looks. I can't describe it but I can feel it. 

I tried to initiate some form of eye-contact but there was no positive response from him. Then I tried to listen to how he ordered his coffee and thought I heard some accent which further reinforced my assumption that he is French.

"Well, you can't have everyone in the world", says my inner voice and felt free after deciding to let things go. The guy later got his coffee and went to get a table. So did I.

As I sat down at my corner, I turned on Hornet and spotted the closest profile that was next to mine, in which the guy in it says that he is French and I swear, has a gallery of pictures that looked exactly like the cute guy I was noticing. I am 95% sure that it was him. Oh my God, he's on Hornet and looking for friends! This is so meant to be, we have to go talk to him.

I immediately sent him a message on Hornet and awaited for his reply. However, due to his profile not having a green dot on the top left corner, I just assumed that he was offline. So I remained seated for another few more minutes to think about how to approach this without looking like a complete freak or stalker.

A part of me says that it's inappropriate, or maybe even rude to walk up to a guy. But another part kept reminding me of my many missed opportunities and the regrets that came with it. Of how I should always have more courage to take risks and never let opportunities pass me by.

So after going back and forth, I decided to embrace the underlying formula that comes with rejection.
Rejection = Good
Rejection = Growth
Rejection = Freedom from Fear
Rejection = What I Need
Rejection = Catalyst for Success.

Hence, I decided to face rejection and embarrassment head on. Because for every rejection that I experience, I become a hundred miles more courageous and a thousand miles freer in my quest.

So I walked right up to him, smiled and then pulled out my phone with his Hornet profile. In a voice and tone for which I feel I sounded my friendliest, I went: "Hi! Excuse me, I was just wondering if this is your profile?" 

He took one look at my screen and immediately denied it. "No. That is not me. Who is that? I don't know who that is", he said in a tone where I only half believed him. Something doesn't sound quite right with his answer, but what can I say?

"Ah I'm so sorry. Must have confused you with another friend. So sorry", and then I excused myself and went back to my seat. Obviously not without doing the walk of shame for which everybody in the café was enjoying. The witnesses were probably laughing at me. 

Wait, who the fuck cares about them? I. Was laughing at me. Jesus, I wanted to bury my head in the sand or have the earth swallow me up right now. I am so embarrassed for taking my own advice. So stupid!

Anyway later in the evening when I came home, his profile was no longer accessible to me like how it was this afternoon. The pictures were all privatised and it was as if it all happened with such coincidental timing. So was it him or was it not him? Guess I will never find out. But you know what, that's okay.

Monday, 22 September 2014

When A Cute Guy Chats Me Up In The Toilet

Okay the weirdest thing just happened to me about an hour ago at the public restroom underneath the Circular Quay train station. Due to its popular location, tons of guys use it all the time, and on any normal given day, there's never a shortage of attractive straight guys that I wouldn't take a second look. 

So there I was, coming out from one of the many cubicles after taking a leak and I instantly noticed this very cute guy having a pee at the urinal. I didn't really see his face but I could feel that he looks good from the back.

It was just the two of us in the toilet so I took the opportunity to linger my sights directly on him and also via the giant mirror while washing my hands. His back was oblivious to everything that was behind him so I observed everything discreetly with interest. Even if he catches us, what is he going to accuse us of?

Then I took my own sweet time at drying my hands at the Dyson Air Blade that was located right next to the urinal. I stared erotically at his crotch from the diagonal side and caught sight of that high speed line of pee shooting onto the metal wall.

Then here come the best part, after he shook his penis off, he slowly but very firmly used his hands to stretch and massage his flaccid cock, milking every drop until there was none. God, I want it in my mouth. What? Shut up.

Then, my mind started to rationalise how ridiculously long I've been staring and how unusually long this guy has actually been milking his dick off at the urinal. It was almost as if he's playing with it slightly and he knew I was watching. Which reminds me very much of what the Irish guy I used to have fun with at the office does every time he tried to get my attention in the men's toilet.

As the cute guy turned around, I was already pretending to adjust my hair while looking into the mirror when in fact, I was looking at him via the mirror. Then the unexpected happened.

"Hey mate! How's it going?", he asked spontaneously out of the blue in an intriguingly friendly vibe as he rinsed his hands while looking at me. I was in complete shock. I mean I've fantasised about a wide array of things, but never thought a really cute guy I check out in a toilet would actually chat-me-up in a men's restroom.

"I'm good. Thank you for asking. What about you?", I responded with heightened interest on the outside but deep down, I was already in an extreme state of arousal and my blood was boiling from the image of his dick a moment ago

"Yeah I've had a good day myself. I'm actually from the WA. You having a good day? What have you been up to?", he asked in an attempt to keep the rapport going. I on the other hand couldn't concentrate on answering him because all I wanted to do was to coerce him into the cubicle.

As I juggled prolonging our conversation and thinking how to suggest for us to go into the cubicle, the energetically charged bubble we were in was suddenly shattered by the entrance of another guy who came in to use the urinal. 

I can feel that the atmospheric vibe between us shifted at that moment, and chatting in the toilet became very uncomfortable. So we took it outside and continued to shoot the breeze. But for some reason, we didn't stop walking but kept moving forward at an unusually slow pace. It was so slow that it made me feel that I might be on to something.

I tried to stop in my tracks for a couple of times in order to get his attention and gauge his body language. I was hoping to find a window of opportunity where I can convince him to walk with me back into the toilet for a quick blow. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to pick up on what I was trying to do and just kept moving us forward.

I was really confused. From what I can recall as a man having lived on Earth for 25 years, the gentlemen's public toilet is a very sensitive and awkward space. And it is most certainly not normal for a straight guy to chat another one up in one. So the weird thing is, all of his questions and actions seem to be suggesting that he might be looking for something, but yet I couldn't confirm if he was gay or bisexual.

"So where are you headed to now? What are your plans at the moment?" are some of the direct questions I threw his way in order to see what kind of response he would give. Unfortunately, he didn't seem to be falling into my little game the way I thought he would and we just ended up going our separate ways.

I stood on the station platform in an unsatisfied state trying to cool down from all that built up sexual tension. While on the train ride out, I kept replaying every single frame of what just happened back there with the cute guy. Would you guys like to offer some insights as to whether or not if he was chatting me up for something?

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Saturday Sex Date And Visit To The Gay Club | ❷

Surprisingly that night, I was not nervous at all in comparison to the first few times back in 2012 when I was coming-out and trying hard to find my way around. The time was about 11pm when I am standing at the club entrance and showing my ID to the bouncer.

I padded myself with lots of mental bubble wrap as I walked in and toughen up for the darts of eyes that were coming at my direction. I headed first to the bathroom to relieve myself, then to the bar to order a drink. The hot bartenders were certainly very charming and an attraction in itself within the club.

Throughout the entire time I wandered around the space that was slowly turning into a club, I faked my confidence and moved with my head up high in order to play the part of a seemingly confident attractive guy. Call it the Law of Attraction, acting or role play, that was my strategy.

I can never articulate the feeling of being in a gay club alone. It's a mixture of positive excitement and independence, but at the same time it also engenders great feelings of loneliness, nervousness and the perception of being an outcast.

I stood by the corner with my drink and waited for myself to warm up. Then, a very much older guy walked right in front of me and looked into my eyes. I really wasn't in anyway interested, but unfortunately it was already too late because I coincidentally looked back into his. He stopped right in front of me and chatted me up while complimenting my tie as an opening line. Out of not wanting to be rude, I answered him but kept my distance while exuding obvious signals of disinterest. He went away after a light chat.

The interesting thing about being alone in a club, is that one can easily spot other single patrons who too didn't come with a crowd. I pulled out my courage and started chatting with this tall lonely guy behind me. He is a medical student from Manchester who is in town for some sort of academic exchange. I wasn't physically attracted to him, but it definitely felt good being able to talk to finally someone.

As we conversed, my eyes were still on the look out for other guys that I might be interested in. It was then that I started to notice something about this guy in front of us even though his attention was towards the stage up front and his back was facing us. I thought he looked good from the back, and also felt this very strong vibe that he might have noticed me and shot me side way glances too when I wasn't looking. However, I wasn't sure and couldn't confirm.

So I kept my eye on him and my instincts were just telling me that we noticed each other. Soon the drag show started and everybody was just trying to find a standing spot where they could see the stage. I personally am not a fan of drag shows, but I had no choice as there was really nothing else to distract myself with. The guy from Manchester and I moved forward to try and get a good view of the stage. 

That was when I deliberately tried to position myself next to my targeted hot guy with a little subtle acting while stealing glances at him. He wasn't alone as he had come with a female friend and another gay friend. However, the other gay guy left so it was just him and the girl. With the music and the glitter-filled performance, it was just impossible for me to try and chat him up so I waited for the act to be done. 

Then the awkwardness kicked in. With no more performances and nothing else to serve the dilly-dallying excuse, I finally turned and forced myself to say something to him with a big open-hearted smile masked in very thick skin. "So do you come here often?" He lives in a city up north and has been back in Australia for about a week between career stints. He is a teacher.

The chat took up a lot of effort on my part because this is not like any other meet-up where I can take my time and all the personality I have to get to know someone. With this setting, I knew I had a limited amount of time to foster a good strong rapport and get his number. We hit it off and the more I talk to him, the more I want to make out with this attractive guy in private. He smells great too.

Finally after a big effort on my part, I managed to talk my way into getting his number and personally made sure that our phones were working. That was my number one priority and also insurance for the unexpected catch that came my way.

After much flirting and a lot of back and forth talking, I reached out my hand and confidently introduced myself to the straight girl he came with. It is a well known strategy that if you want your date to like you or see you in a more attractive light, you need to work your magic on his friends who are present and use them to help you win.

There is a wonderful public relations saying by S. H. Simmons that goes: "If a young man tells his date how handsome, smart and successful he is – that’s advertising. If the young man tells his date she’s intelligent, looks lovely, and is a great conversationalist, he’s saying the right things to the right person and that’s marketing. If someone else tells the young woman how handsome, smart and successful her date is – that’s PR.” 

So I started speaking to the girl confidently and interestingly. I wasn't even the least bit intimidated because number one, I am confident of my personality when it is in the right fire and secondly, she is not the one I was trying to impress. 

Gradually, we discovered that she was French and we hit it off even more as I attempted to demonstrate my intermediate skill of the language. She was impressed and her enthusiasm was helping me gain points in the eyes of her attractive guy friend. It's working!

For the next few minutes while the French girl and I talked, I could feel that switch in the attractive teacher's energy with regard to my desirability. I'm telling you, this works and the female friend was really rooting for him to get to know me more. 

Then, just when I thought they were going to stay and the three of us might end up having a good time, they had plans to leave for another club before the 1.30am lock down starts. This lock down in Australia forbids anybody from going into a club or re-entering it after that time. 

They both insisted that I went with them and was very persistent. However, entry into that club wasn't free and I was actually planning on going home and getting myself to bed by maybe 2am. In this aspect, I'm a little stubborn and uptight about going with the flow. Sometimes I can, but most often when it concerns going out all night and hopping from club to club, I just can't keep up and get really bored easily.

So the new guy and his female friend was a little disappointed that I won't be joining them and spent the next five minutes persuading me to go along. Even to the extend of wanting to pay for me so that I can go with them, for which I graciously turned down.

After a while, it was agreed that they both will move on to the next club and I wasn't going with them. I told the attractive teacher that we should contact each other tomorrow and get together sometime over the next few days. He was very happy with the idea.

As I reached out to hug him goodbye, he made a gentle move and kissed me on my lips that made me hover for a few seconds. Jesus Christ what a tease! It was an unfair taste of heaven that I am more than excited to pursue another time in private.

After they left, I got a text from the Italian engineer telling me that he is seated alone at the bar. I went over to join him for about 20 minutes before he too decided to move on to the next club because the current one we were in wasn't happening enough. I stayed on and tried to see if anything else comes my way.

I loitered around on my own in the club for another dying 30 minutes before finally walking out to catch a taxi back to the apartment. During the ride home, the taxi driver and I chatted casually. I think the fact that he just picked me up from a popular gay street has prompted him to ask: "Are you gay?" 

"Am I gay? Yes I am sir", I answered truthfully with a smile unfazed, so at peace with my sexuality. I wondered at that moment too if I could provide the same answer and still not have to feel any sense of shame to a complete stranger or taxi driver back home. 

As soon as I let myself into the apartment and smelled the scent of the home I have here, I was so glad to be climbing into the shower. And even though the time on my watch was only 2.14am, I was very happy to change into my pajamas and chill on the inflatable bed.

That night before falling asleep, I still wanted to keep the momentum going. So I texted the attractive teacher a message implying that I just can't wait to see him. He replies: "I look forward to it. The next kiss will be much better, I promise."

My heart soared in anticipation at the last part. Then on Monday, I reached out to him to see when we can meet and he was leaving town to go back to a city up north. No! I kicked myself so hard i. disappointment for not going along with the flow on Saturday and leaving with him. Now the chance to get together is gone and there was nothing I can do except accept it as part of whatever it is the universe was trying to teach me. Lesson learnt kids, next time whenever a guy tells you to hop on over to another bar, you hop on over to another bar.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Saturday Sex Date And Visit To The Gay Club | ❶

A couple of Saturdays back, the Italian engineer wanted to meet for fun again in the late afternoon and I agreed. Deep down I wasn't particularly excited, but I had a duty to get myself laid in order to keep that inner gay vampire happy so I don't go crazy on every attractive guy I see on the street. Yes it's a pathetic disorder but one that is also living in me.

Two hours before we met, I decided to check in on him to reconfirm our meet. He was still groggy and lazing bed, trying to sleep away the hang over from the previous night of drinking and partying. I asked if he was sure that he would be well enough to meet and he told me to come on over.

So I got on a bus and made my way to his apartment building while he showered and got ready for my arrival. Within ten seconds of my entry through his unit door, we instinctively reached out to one another as we shot the breeze, and the first kiss gave way to a short standing make out. 

"Come, let's go into the room," he said. This time, we headed straight for the bedroom and disrobed completely until we were naked once again and under his covers. From this point on, I think I am going to cut down on writing about the explicit sexual process, but what happened during that sex date was that he fucked me twice, and there was a lot of cuddling and silent intimacy. However at the end, he didn't bother to take care of me and give me a climax after he was done which I thought was a little selfish but I did not make an issue out of it.

While we were showering together, he said to me in his strongest Italian accent: "Your dick is very big. It's bigger than mine." For clarification purposes, I am no where near big, but neither am I small too. So his comment definitely gave my ego the little rub it needs to continue fuelling the shield of confidence I have worked so hard to preserve.

When putting on my socks back out in the living room, I told him that I have plans to go out to the scene that night and asked him for some tips. He told me that the scene doesn't pick up until about 12am, and the free-entry club also known as Midnight Shift in Sydney was the place to go on a Saturday night. Oh God, there goes our plan to leave the scene before midnight to catch the last bus home to bed M.

The truth is, I have always been a stay-at-home boy. But after lots of mental coaxing, I made a deal with myself that weekend that I was going to drag my boring ass out of the house and explore the gay scene for a little bit. After all, I am in a foreign city with plenty of good-looking gay guys. I will regret it if I didn't at least made some effort for myself to build confidence.

So after the sex date, I went home, cooked myself a simple dinner for one and watched some television before catching the last suburban bus out on a cold and rainy night into the city centre. I made sure I looked smart in a tie and a shirt too that night for extra confidence, even though the confidence wasn't concretely solid.

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Condition Circumstances Instead Of Being Conditioned By Them

"To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy, is to set your own conditions to the events of each day. To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Sex Date With A Lawyer Who Enjoys Poppers

I am way behind on my writing. Events and experiences have just been occurring much faster than I can conjure them up properly into words so bear with me.

On the same day that I got cruised at a local Starbucks about three weeks ago, a guy I've been briefly chatting to on Jack'd for days invited me to his apartment that evening for fun. So right after I finished and published that very Starbucks post, I got on a bus with my laptop bag and headed for the suburbs. His apartment was only a ten-minute walk from where I currently live, therefore giving me the convenience and coincidental luxury of stopping by his place for sex before going home. 

Within twenty minutes of leaving the coffee house, I was pressing the intercom at the entrance of his apartment complex. "Come on up!" His response from the speaker was unusually loud that I'm almost paranoid if passersby could pick up on what was going on. Then when my sensibility caught up, I laughed at my own silly thought.

At this point of my development, knocking on a sex date's apartment door is starting to feel like a repeated experience I'm slowly getting used to. He has definitely aged from the profile picture, but still doable. As I walked in to put my stuff aside, I was very surprised at how serious he was in preparing us for sex. The entire apartment was dark, except for his room which was dimly illuminated by a burning scented candle.

I went into the bathroom to freshen up a bit before heading back out to see him standing next to the bed, patiently waiting in a 'zone' without wanting to ruin the mood. The bulge in my pants was expanding rapidly. He met me with a step forward as I walked up to position myself in close proximity with his body.

[ Reminder: Sexual Content Ahead ] 
 - - -  Please STOP reading now if you're not comfortable  - - -

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

The #FeelingNuts Movement

Recently someone from Check One Two approached me to do a small write up for them to promote their social media movement called #FeelingNuts. Testicular cancer is a serious health problem that can often be overlooked within our community. Hence, we need to learn how to start taking care of ourselves.

Testicular cancer is a disease that develops in the testicle of the male reproductive system. The essential idea is to get yourself checked out to ensure early detection before it reaches a stage where it can endanger your life. 

The wonderful thing about #FeelingNuts is that not only does it hold the potential to save lives, but also play an influential role in raising awareness amongst a younger generation of men. You can educate yourself on how to check for symptoms on their Knackatorials page, or watch a short YouTube video HERE.